Daddy’s Girl?

So in my last post I ranted about all of this stuff. What I was still dwelling over was the invitation addressed to me and my father. I knew it was really pissing me off, but on top of that it really just tugged at me. I could not figure out why at first and then it dawned on me. My dad and I being addressed on the same envelope bothered me because it implied that

A. I was not a 22-year-old self-supporting adult but rather a child

B. A implies B which is that my father is responsible for me

C. The fact that I was not allowed to bring a date implied that my father WAS my date and that I was his (since he was also not allowed a guest)

D. Who in the hell would think that was ok?

So then I remembered about purity balls. When I first read about these in a really awesome book I thought the author was surely jesting. But sadly enough she was not. These purity things are real and happening more frequently than is comfortable for any sane person to think about. If you watch the video above, (and immediately call your father and thank him for never even thinking about making you go to one of these things) you should be really creeped out.  Let me break down the reasons this video is über creepy and why it is to patriarchal and right-wing.

A. The first thing you see in the video is the young daughter twirling around in a mirror looking at her dress for the purity ball.

This epitomizes one of the key elements of the Purity movement which is that women should be pretty. Their reasoning is instead of your daughter being sweet talked about how good-looking she is by some guy who will ultimately ruin her and knock her up, her dad should tell her how hot she is. That is weird enough in itself, but it extends to the larger idea of the purity movement which focuses on women’s beauty. Almost all the girls in the video were young, thin, and reasonably good-looking. They were dressed relatively fashionable, and I do believe some of them wore make up. The older women such as the girl’s mom and the chick who obsessed with Bush certainly wore make up and did their hair. So while the movement preaches about purity and sanctity it has no problem promoting superficiality when it comes to outward appearance. Because come on girls, no good Christian boy who is supposed to love you for your inner beauty but is really just a patriarchal twit is gonna wanna fuck you if ya aint pretty.

B. The limousine/ring giving- The one girl describes her dad taking her on a date in a limo and giving her a ring. Now if you did not hear the word dad or purity ring you would think someone was retelling the story of their engagement. This movement literally replaces the un-named trouble making boy with the dad. Complete with weird dates and all. Now objectively being in a limo with your dad is not weird in itself. But when you put it in the context of being called a date it just shifted to a different level of strange. And some people cry that you’re making a pure thing dirty by implying incest. I am not suggesting that these fathers are putting moves on their daughters, but when you are having dates with them that they should be having with boys their own age, you are crossing boundaries. I love my dad and I hang out with him a lot. We go see movies, go sneaker shopping, go to the beach for the day, exct. But I have not been giving a ring by him, or attended a formal event where the both of us are dressed like we are going to prom. What happens when these girls actually date? It is going to be no different then hanging out with their dads? Dating guys is necessary to see what is out there. I have been on disastrous dates but it helped me to learn what I was and was not looking for. Eliminating dating with guys is effectively making these girls marry the first guy that is approved by the parents or ending up in situations like this where it goes without saying the shit was arranged. 

C. Lord wants us to be chaste/pure- Full disclosure I am agnostic at best and more accurately described as atheist. So the whole the lord wants me to do this or that thing does not really hold much weight with me. But let us examine the purity movements interpretation of the Christian god. He is a man, he is presumably white (at least any picture I have seen in Christian homes he is), and he is misogynistic. How could he not be when he demands that women adhere to an unrealistic standard of sexual purity while not really giving a shit what the men do. Now in the video the one mom says she will expect her youngest son to do the whole purity vow, which is also a bunch of misogynistic bullshit that still focuses on women not being sluts. So the lord is really honed in on my vagina and what I am doing with it. Not so much guys, but really me because lets face it, vaginas are icky and dirty and they can only be used by one person.

D. Vaginas can be only be bought new- Purity movements are the snobby Macy’s shoppers of the misogynistic world. They do not want used vaginas, only new! And your vagina can only be new if they have never even seen the light of day ( I every time you shower or change clothes and you are exposed do you lose points?). Apparently these people are not thrift store shoppers. Oh wait some of them do buy used items? So why is it cool to buy a used shirt but not have sex with a woman who is not a virgin? Is it because you are a misogynistic prick who thinks he can own a woman and cannot handle the idea that she is not a virgin and was thus “owned” by someone previously? Or that you think vagina aren’t good after one use? Or is this just a way to control women’s minds and sexuality so they’re stuck with the first asshole that comes along even if he is shit in bed and beats her and their kids? More likely it is a combination of all these choices. Oh and I forgot, this also effectively isolates women and keeps them uneducated about pregnancy and STDs and women’s shelters and feminism.

E.Isolation- Now I went through a phase where I was not going to have sex until I was married ( I know hard to believe) and I stuck with it until I was 20. Then I woke up and realized how stupid I was and laughed at the younger version of myself. But the key thing in this scenario is that I made that decision for myself. It was not something pushed on me by my parents or family or teachers or neighbors. But these girls are being pressured from every line of support they have. The one girl has never been anywhere but her hometown, and she is homeschooled so as not to be “exposed” to the evils and temptations out there. I call it isolation. You raise these girls to know nothing but the purity movement and what you and other assholes like you say, and you are isolating them from ever forming their opinions or personality. You have effectively made a Stepford Wife, or Duggar kid as I like to call them. It is one thing to try to instill the morals and values you think are important into your children, it is another thing to completely cut them off from the outside world so you can brainwash them and basically have humans living in a controlled experiment. I mean if that is not a form of child abuse I don’t know what the hell is.

F. The adult women and men- Now the adult women and men are pushing this purity thing in the video. With the exception of the one girl speaking who was presumably 19 or so, they are all probably in their 40’s and older. Not one of them said purity vows worked for them. now they talked about all the benefits of not having pre-marital nookie, and all the downfalls of us whores who haven’t waited until marriage. But not one of them said that they took purity vows and was a virgin when they were married. Interesting isn’t it? Especially when studies show most people don’t keep their purity vows.

I want to address an open letter to all of the girls who get swept up in these purity balls:

It is ok to have desires and feelings. You are going to want to have sex, its natural. If you really know yourself and do not listen to what other people think, you will know when you are ready to have sex. Only you and you alone will know so do not let yourself be pressured by guys or friends. But be safe. Use a condom every time and you and who ever you sleep with should be tested. http://www.plannedparenthood.org is a great place for info and resources for birth control and STD testing. You can also check with your local government services as most of them provide free STD testing and reduced birth control costs. Having sex is an awesome thing and it is better when you have some type of emotional connection with someone, but it is not the only thing that can hurt you in a relationship. You will have your heart-broken at some point and it will feel like the end of the world. You will get through it and come out a better person. Do not date again until you have worked out your issues that you have from the last relationship so you are not taking it out on the new person. If you are LGBTQI do not listen to people who tell you that what you feel and think is wrong it is not. Get information, research and talk to as many different people as you can. Do what you think is right and what is going to make you happy.

Rainbow fish is a socialist-really?

One of the most beloved books from my childhood is The Rainbow Fish By Marcus Pfister . I always loved how the Rainbow Fish (or sparkles as the 5 year old version of myself would say) becomes a better fish at the end of the story. To give you a quick summary taken from amazon.com :

 “If you read this very popular book just before bed, and the light is still on in the hallway, you can make the rainbow scales glitter on the page, and realize why the Rainbow Fish was so proud of his beautiful decoration. Sometimes, though, being too proud of outside beauty can blind a fish, or a child (or even, heaven forbid, a parent) to the beauty people hold inside. That’s the lesson of this simple tale, imported from Switzerland. It’s a useful one for future sneaker and designer clothing shoppers, for rainbow fish–and for quieter, plainer minnows, too. “

Basically Rainbow Fish is so sparkly and beautiful everyone agrees he is the best looking fish in the ocean. Problem is Rainbow Fish knows that and is a real dick about it to other fish, especially a little minnow who admires his scales and asks for one. If you follow the link I posted above for the book to the bottom you will see many negative reviews of the book. These aren’t your garden variety “The illustrations sucked…..the story wasn’t original….it bored me to death,” There are straight up cries of “Socialism” “Buying friends” “Giving up your individuality” this really pisses me off. People who are looking at this story as trying to destroy the foundation of america need to grow up. Let me break down for you what this story is really about (in my humble opinion at least) and why these people are really pissed off about this book.

1. The scales: Rainbow Fish’s scales are what makes him stand out among other fish. He has pretty colors sure but the sparkle of his metallic scales make him “Unique”. On the surface that is something everyone can relate to. Some people are realllllyyyyy good-looking and some people aren’t. But if you examine the scales a little closer you see that they really represent something Rainbow Fish (RF from now on to make it easier for myself) was born with: Privilege. RF did not earn these scales, he did not work hard for them or have them rewarded for certain merits. As soon as he was born presumably he had them. So he is good-looking by his society’s standards, but he did absolutely nothing to deserve it. I don’t know about you, but this sounds like classic privilege to me. The reason reviewers seem to be upset about RF giving away all of his scales except one at the end of the story is People have a real hard time admitting they’re privileged and B. People have an even harder time given up even the slightest amount of that privilege. Just look at how the white right-wing nuts in politics freak out about taxing the über rich or extending social welfare programs to those less fortunate. It isn’t about the budget or economy to these assholes it’s about helping people who don’t have it as good as others and that pisses them off. Because in the right winger’s mind, privilege is somehow earned. The fact that most of these people are white and male seems to escape their mind when they talk about pulling oneself up by the bootstraps or earning everything they have. Just admit that being white and a guy gives you advantages that no one else can ever experience, at least this guy can admit it:

Those reviewers who bemoaned RF giving up his scales as losing part of his personality were really pissed that he gave up some of his privilege. I don’t buy into the scales representing capitalism and RF’s act of giving up the scales as pro-socialism. Rf was not the ruler of this society nor were the other fish suffering because of their looks, they simply weren’t as attractive as RF. It does not really fit into the whole socialism concept of making everyone happy because the other fish seemed happy, RF was the miserable one in the tale.

2. People have been fed this bullshit concept since they were born that they were special. Let me tell you, you’re not. I know you think you’re funnier, smarter, prettier, more creative, exct. than everyone else but you’re not. There are very few actual “special” people in the world and the odds are against you. 

 Rf is the perfect example of what happens when you pump someone with the idea that they’re special from the moment they’re born, they turn out to be a total self entitled asshole. RF in the beginning swims around all day gloating as the other fish admire his beauty. RF essentially acts like a celebrity which if we’re honest is narcissism as its most extreme. RF has no other function except to parade around and show everyone how special he is. Besides his scales, this fish doesn’t have shit else going for him. He is completely void of a personality or redeeming qualities like empathy or sympathy. He is basically a cast member of the Jersey Shore. So reviewers who looked at RF as giving his scales away as losing himself or his individuality were really upset that he gave up his right to act like a total tool, and let’s be honest the ability to act like a condescending tool to everyone else because you have something they don’t is the real american dream.

3. People are totally ignoring this simplistic tale about finding inner quality and being a decent fish (or human being). At the beginning of the tale, RF was pretty to look at but a crap fish. By the end of the tale he has learned humility, charity, sympathy, and to focus on substance and not objects. I believe this is really what makes people hate this book and cry socialism. Because it inadvertently forces parents to look at themselves in a less than flattering light. Sure they have the big house and the SUVs and the designer clothes, but how do they measure up as human beings? That is a question that goes beyond socialism or capitalism, that is a soul-searching question that people aren’t willing to confront and aren’t willing to teach.

Endometriosis, IUDs, and Screw you Summer’s Eve

So this post is bits and pieces of a few concepts. I want to start off with my diagnosis of endometriosis. After severe pain and heavy bleeding I had laparoscopic surgery and I was officially diagnosed with endo at the ripe old age of 13. My doctors basically told me I would have to be on some form of birth control the rest of my life to control the pain and to be able to have kids. I was also told at 13 that with endo you are basically screwed no matter what you do when you try to concieve. So basically once you have that diagnosis you know being a mother is not going to be a surprise and whoops type of deal. I am now 22 and I have tried almost all forms of birth control in the past 9 years. For years I was on Yasmin but after my insurance refused to cover anything non-generic when a generic was available I tried generic after generic with no success. Finally I decided to try Depo-Provera. Bad idea!!!!!! I gained 30 lbs in 3 months, I had eratic mood swings, my pain was not managed during the one and only dose I took, and overall it was a crap experience. After my fiasco with the shot I decided to give my body a much needed rest from hormones. For most of the year I did not use any type of hormonal birth control I was good, but then my pain and periods came back with avengence. So I talked to my doctor, and he suggested yet another laporoscopic surgery, deal with the pain, or try and IUD. I decided to go with the Mirena. The insertion hurt, but it was only for a few seconds. The website says you cramp for a few hours after insertion, but I had pain off and on for the first month. But compared ot my endo pain, it was nothing and it was easily handled by over the counter advil or motrin. My bleeding has pretty much stopped and any I do have is so light I do not even need a panty liner. The only issue I started having was a vaginal odor which turned out to be this. For the record I am not currently sexually active and had not been for about 4 months prior to the insertion of Mirena and was also tested for all STDs after my last relationship. So my doctor prescribed this. I have gone through three rounds and the odor is not as bad each time, but it still comes back. I am attempting a third round of the medicine and hopefully this will take care of the problem. But the whole vaginal odor thing got me thinking about how we treat vaginal smell in general. Obviously I am having a specific issue but in general people treat women’s vaginas like they smell like a trash dump. We are constantly told to douche or summer eve it to prevent the god awful natural stench of the vagina. This commercial by Summer’s Eve epitomizes all that is wrong with discussions around the vagina and its supposed horrible stench.

 So basically that is supposed to be empowering like oh having a vagina is really powerful. But how does it make you powerful? Well because guys want to fuck you of course. They will even kill other guys who want to fuck you. So the least you can do is make your vagina smell like spring meadows or spring garden or whatever scents they have because when the guy finally does screw you your coochie needs to be up to par girls. Sorry but telling me that I am only powerful because guys want to do me is not my definition of empowerment. Also, telling me that my vagina in its natural state is just not good enough, I have to basically perfume it all up to even be presentable to a man is bullshit. Not to mention how this commercial just acts like the LGBT community does not exist because it makes the conversation more complicated when it is not strictly heterosexual. This commercial is offensive, if it were aimed towards men shaving their bushed there would be outrage from MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists: Special kind of assholes). So for your enjoyment (and mostly mine) here is my supposed commercial for a razor for men. “It has started wars to prove its dominance, it has overcompensated for its smallness with large SUVs and houses, it has paid women only 75 cents to every dollar it makes just because, and it has served as the supreme authority on everything ever in history…….Shouldn’t you be showing it off more………razors, to make sure your awesome stick is visible to everyone”.